Sorry these are out of order, a but please bear with me. RD
In the adoption agency's orientation sessions, in every parenting class, and in the briefing just before leaving, they've re-iterated: your baby will not run into your arms and smile. She'll probably cry for 48-72 hours as she leaves behind familiar people and is confronted by strangers. She won't play, laugh, or even eat for those first few days. She'll scream about the bath, unfamiliar clothes, and new sleeping patterns.
And then there's Li Mei, who ran (or at least stumbled) into Rachel's arms, smiled a little after that, and started laughing and playing as soon as she understood that I could swing her upside down and back.
Eating has not been a problem, to say the least. She even tells us when we have something she'd like with a firm "yaya." (No is simpler, and the food goes in the hapless adult's lap.) Her only crying or protest to date is when the food goes away. She loves the bath, likes trying on new clothes (which follows shortly after trying new foods) and has fallen asleep in my lap at most every opportunity.
Is it a miracle of adoption success, showing the hand of fate? Probably not; it's called Happy Baby Syndrome (HBS), where an institutionalized child is so surprised at having people pay attention to her that she just soaks it up while it lasts. I have to admit I like it better than three days' of crying.
HBS means that the real bonding and family process is on hold, while the baby works out the idea that we aren't just a passing fad. It's considered to end when the baby starts treating us like parents -- that is, crying about things she doesn't like and demanding what she wants, instead of just taking what she gets.
It's been an intense couple of days to say the least. TaiYuan is a medium-sized city by China standards, only 1.4 million people. Going from Beijing (30 million) to here is kind of like going from New York to Detroit; it's a grungy city, heavily polluted from the area's mining and manufacturing, with a lot more open poverty than the capital. Foreigners are more rare here, so we're all getting stared at a lot; few people speek English, but the ones we meet seem friendlier.
Our new guide is Schell, who we were warned is quite intense. His job is to get all the paperwork to the right offices, and keep us from screwing up in the meanwhile (he asks where I'm keeping passports and other documents, about three times a day). I get the impression that there's been a lot of screwing up in his time with the adoption service. So far the only thing we've completely blown is the "gift giving" to the local officials.
Yesterday we received temporary custody of Li Me. No one had ever told us that there was a recommended 48 hour "early bonding" period, after which we could actually back out of the adoption. I'm glad they never told us, because I think it's a horrible idea. I guess either the Chinese or US government wants to give the parents a chance to determine that the child is healthy and all, and I appreciate that concern, but we made it clear that we wanted to proceed immediately to permanent custody, and that occupied most of today. It was kind of a fast-forward version of the previous year's paperwork, plus handing over a big pile of money.
So now it's done, and Li Mei is now Jasmine Phoenix Li Mei Petersen Drummond, officially our daughter. The goal for the next 4-6 days is to get her passport paperwork completed so that we can take her home. We'll do part of that here, and finish in GaunZhou, where the US Consolate office is -- that's where she becomes a US citizen.
She's adorable, and charms everyone who comes over to look at the funny foreigners. Her hair isn't snow white, more an ivory color, probably because of its thickness. Her eyes are a pale blue-lavendar, and she has amazingly red lips. Her cheeks are very high and round, partly because of her intense squint (we turned the lights down low for her, and it took an hour or so for her to relax enough to fully open her eyes).
She has a firm grip, and likes to practice walking -- she can walk a little on her own (as we saw with the carefully staged introduction) but prefers to hold on, and that gives Kai and Rowan endless satisfaction as they take turns being big brother. She plays with anything that crinkles or rattles, and likes the doll we brought for her, but her favorite toy is a stiff-paged book of colors and textures.
Our guess is that she can barely see, but we were prepared for that possibility. That's undoubtedly why she's scored so low on all her developmental tests. But it's equally clear to us that she's using her other senses to make up for it (she tracks Rachel's voice very well) and has a good memory too; she made a mental map of our hotel room and stops herself (usually) before she gets to obstacles, at least the stationary ones. She talks (in Li Mei language) and responds to immitated words (like "yaya" for food), so there's nothing wrong with her brain.
She's tiny, only 8.5 kilograms, and has the build of a one year old or younger, big head, soft skinny limbs. But she has the attitude of a two year old, and is stubborn about playing the game she wants to play, walking where she wants to walk and so on. Kind of an odd mix, but very cute.
So there's the adoption update. Keeping the boys entertained is more of a challenge in TaiYuan; Kai hates the food, Rowan hates being cooped up. Tomorrow we'll focus on them for a while and let baby relax too.
Thank you for your prayers and well-wishes. We are very happy to have our daughter at last.
..Theo
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